The struggle to make friends is real. But sometimes, it’s us, not them.
The good news? You can change!
Discover the top behaviors that make people dislike you. If you recognize yourself in any of them, it’s not too late to change and become a better friend.
You’re Mean
Here’s a crazy newsflash: Nobody enjoys hanging out with the jerk.
If you’re putting others down to feel better about yourself, the people around you will start thinking less of you, not of the people you’re putting down.
It might feel good in the moment, but soon you’ll discover nobody wants to be around you.
Schrödinger’s Jerk
It’s impossible to talk about meanness without discussing Schrödinger’s Jerk.
Schrödinger’s jerk says and does terrible things for their own amusement, but as soon as someone calls them out for their awful behavior, it was “just a joke.”
The name comes from the famous scientist’s thought experiment about the cat that’s both alive and dead at the same time. You don’t know until you open the box. At the same time, Schrödinger’s jerk is both joking and not joking at the same time. You don’t know until you call them out.
But My Friends Rag on Each Other
Look, I get it. A lot of people bond with “mean” jokes. If that’s how your friend group engages, I’m not here to tell you it’s wrong.
However, you should pay attention to the details. Is everyone always ragging on each other, or are you the only one who says mean things? Do you know what’s off limits? Is there someone who doesn’t seem to be having fun, but goes along with it?
Can you engage without cruelty when the situation calls for it?
My friends goof with each other too, but we know when to stop. We know when someone is being serious or not having fun. There’s a line between joking around on occasion and being mean all the time. If you can’t see it, you might be Schrödinger’s jerk.
Littering
I immediately think less of someone when I see them casually toss their trash on the ground – especially if there’s a trash can nearby. It’s sheer laziness.
Even when there is no trash can, there’s no need to litter. It tells the people around you that you don’t care about anything but yourself.
Just put your trash in your pocket. Don’t make the world worse.
Mean to Partner
We can only imagine how awful you are to your partner in private if you have no qualms about putting them down in public.
You should always treat your partner with dignity and respect, regardless of the situation. Others judge you when you don’t, and we don’t want to be friends with you.
Willful Ignorance
Society has a weird way of celebrating those who dig in and refuse to change their views when presented with new facts, but in real life, the behavior makes people dislike you.
It’s okay to be wrong or misinformed. Nobody judges you for getting the wrong information.
But if you refuse to change your mind when presented with the facts, we’re all going to think a little less of you.
Mistreating Animals
Mistreating animals tops the list of behaviors that make people dislike you. There’s a reason movies show the villain kicking the dog in the beginning – they’re foreshadowing that he’s evil!
Everyone knows that, and everyone will hate you if you mistreat an innocent animal.
Our pets rely on us for every aspect of their lives. Do right by them.
Entitlement
Some folks believe the world owes them. They expect everyone else to cater to them all the time and throw toddler hissy fits when they don’t get their way.
If you want friends, you have to respect that other people have different desires. The friend group isn’t going to cater to you all the time, and that’s perfectly normal.
For example, I recently went to a theme park with my friends. I wanted Italian for dinner, but one of my besties wanted to go to the Mac & Cheese restaurant. Since the world doesn’t revolve around me, I agreed.
Sometimes she sacrifices what she wants for me. That’s called compromise, and it’s crucial to healthy friendships.
Treating Kids Like Kings
When I was a child, my parents would be on my case if I acted a fool in public or disrespected teachers.
Nowadays, parents worship at the altar of their children. Kids can do no wrong.
We may not say anything if you refuse to discipline your child but trust we’re all thinking about how awful it would be to hang out with you.
Calling Themselves “Alpha”
A surefire way to prove to everyone around you that you’re not a high-value “alpha” male is calling yourself that.
Confident men don’t have to run around shouting their greatness from the rooftops. They’re just out there living their lives.
“Alpha” men do not understand human relationships and cling to a theory that even the originator says is false.
Nobody wants to be friends with them in real life, and trust me, no woman wants to date them.
Rude to Waitstaff
Being rude to waitstaff is a behavior that makes people dislike you for two reasons: first, it showcases your insane belief that you believe people in low-paying jobs are beneath you, and second, it highlights how you treat people you deem “beneath you.”
Neither is a good look.
If you want friends, you should treat everyone with dignity and respect.
Not Putting the Shopping Cart Back
If you want to showcase your selfishness to strangers, leave the shopping cart in the middle of the parking lot.
Seriously, returning the cart is a two-second test of selfishness. It takes so little time for such a massive impact (avoiding accidents, keeping the lot clear for other shoppers, helping staff) and yet some folks can’t be bothered.
That behavior will instantly make everyone around you dislike you.
Gossiping
Those who will talk badly about others to you will talk badly about you to others.
We can’t trust people who spread lies and secrets about others.
Not only is it bad form to speak poorly about others, but we can never be sure they don’t do the same to us.
If you want friends, be a good friend. Keep secrets. Only spread positive gossip.
Constantly Interrupting
Conversations are give and take. You toss the conversational ball to someone and let them toss it around for a bit.
If you’re constantly jumping in and grabbing the ball, you’ll soon find that nobody wants to talk to you.
I get that it’s hard, especially for folks raised in families where interrupting is the norm. If you interrupt, catch yourself, and say, “I’m sorry I interrupted you, what were you saying?”
I have a friend who everyone loves. She has an opposite behavior that makes people like her. In a group conversation, she notices if someone gets interrupted, and she always circles back to them and asks, “What were you saying?”
Talking About Yourself
We get that you’re the most important person in your life. But talking about yourself incessantly is one of the behaviors that make people dislike you.
Friendships aren’t all about you. So maybe shut up and listen for a bit. Ask people questions about themselves and their lives. Share a story about yours, but then pass the ball to someone else.
One-Upping Everyone
You want to know what’s worse than constantly talking about yourself?
One-upping everyone. It’s talking about yourself, but in a way that feels boastful and arrogant. It’s turning the conversation back to you by dismissing whatever the other person was saying.
Please don’t do this; everyone hates it.
Chronically Late
Friends respect each other’s time. If you always show up late, people are going to start without you. They may even stop inviting you.
Of course, there are always exceptions. Some folks with disabilities struggle with time-blindness or fatigue that makes timeliness difficult. If that describes you, talk to your friends about it. I promise that if you’re honest, they’ll be willing to accommodate.
But being late because you don’t care? People will start to avoid you.
Refusing to Admit Fault
Are you a human being?
Then you make mistakes. We all do. Nobody faults you for it.
But what we do fault you for is refusing to admit your mistakes. Nobody will like you if you act like you can do no wrong.
Apologize for your mistakes. Trust me, people will like you a lot more if you own up to your faults than if you pretend they don’t exist.
That’s Just Who I Am
Owning up to your faults doesn’t mean refusing to do better.
Engaging in behaviors that make people dislike you, then saying “that’s just who I am,” isn’t going to cut it.
I mean, sure, continue acting like that if you don’t care about having friends. But if you want to make lasting connections, you have to own up to your faults and try to be better in the future.
Complaining Constantly
Sometimes bad things happen, and friends should feel free to share the negatives just as much as the positives.
But everything isn’t always negative.
If you’re the person who complains about the weather, rain or shine, who always has something negative to say about the food or the service, and who finds the bad sides of every situation, you’re going to stop getting an invite.
We want friends because we want to enjoy our lives. We don’t need a negative Nancy whispering all the bad things in our ears.
Phone Addiction
I love my phone just as much as the next guy, but I put it down when I’m actively engaging with my friends.
They’re literally right there in front of me. What on my phone could be more important than that?
If you’re constantly on your phone when you’re supposed to be hanging out with your friends, they’ll feel like they come second to whatever you’re looking at online.
Why would they want to hang out with you if you can’t prioritize them when they’re in your presence?
Oversharing Personal Details
Close friends sometimes share every detail of their lives. But are you that close?
A lot of people pining for friends struggle with boundaries, especially in the early stages of friendship, and that’s a massive turn-off.
Don’t tell someone you just met your life story. Don’t trauma dump on someone you’ve been hanging out with for two weeks.
Think of building friendships as like dating. You don’t want to share too many personal details in the early stages. The honeymoon stage should be fun – filled with common interests and good times.
As you get to know each other better, it can get a little more intimate, and you can share more personal details.
Casual -isms
Most people want to be friends with good people. Therefore, racism, sexism, ageism, and all the other isms are actually behaviors that make people dislike you.
And people drop their hate so casually, it’s baffling. Actually, I like it because it’s an instant indicator of a bad person.
But don’t just try to hide it. We’ll know.
Instead, do a deep dive into your core values. Examine why you feel comfortable dropping racist or sexist jokes, or why you think your phenotype makes you superior.
Become a better person, and you’ll find it easier to make friends.
Behaviors that Make People Dislike You
We can’t cover every single thing that turns others off, but we hope you’ve noticed a trend here.
If you’re rude, mean, selfish, or entitled, people aren’t going to like you. People want friends who care about them, support them, engage with them, and empathize with them.
Practice those positive behaviors, and you’ll be ready to start building meaningful connections.