Babies change people’s lives. If you aren’t ready to sacrifice your time and energy to parenting, you’re unprepared for a baby.
However, some people, especially women, get sold a lie that they’ll have help but find everything on them once the baby arrives.
One woman came to Reddit seeking advice after resentful feelings about her husband’s freedoms bubbled to the surface.
3 Month Old Baby
The Original Poster (OP) shared that they had their first child three months ago. They’re both in their early 30s and married, so although OP doesn’t say it, we can assume that having a baby was a joint decision.
OP Burnt Out
OP said she’s burnt out. She’s handling the night feedings, functioning on little sleep, and doesn’t feel like she has time for herself.
“I have to ask for permission to shower and plan days ahead to spend an hour out of the home,” she shared, adding, “My son cat naps through the day so I miss meals and barely function. I’m so tired.”
Husband Helps
OP is thankful for the help her husband provides. She said he splits diaper duty, takes over morning feedings, and even cooks her meals.
However, she’s starting to feel resentment at his perceived freedoms.
His Freedoms vs. Her Freedoms
She explained that her husband can leave the house to spend time with friends without a second thought. He takes a shower whenever he wants and even has time for naps on the couch.
Meanwhile, the one time she tried to leave the house, her husband called within 30 minutes because he couldn’t get their son to settle down.
How To Be Better?
OP said she’s jealous of her husband but wants to overcome the resentment and be a better wife and mother.
She asked Reddit users how to let it go.
He Needs To Do Better, Not You
Reddit answered, but it wasn’t what OP was looking for. Most users stressed that she’s doing plenty already and her husband needs to step up.
“Your husband has time to go out with friends while you can’t even get more than 30 mins to yourself? This isn’t fair,” stated one user.
“This doesn’t seem like it’s about you being a better wife, but him being a better caregiver for his son and a more fair husband,” said another.
It’s His Kid Too
OP’s husband seems to think of himself as a helper rather than a partner in his own son’s upbringing.
The fact that he couldn’t handle parenting alone for 30 minutes speaks volumes, and OP needs to nip this behavior in the bud now.
“I have a 4 month old, my husband can basically do everything I can except breastfeed,” said one user before adding “Your husband should be doing more.”
A Common Problem
Many users pointed out how typical this behavior is. Men won’t think of themselves as parents or caregivers unless explicitly asked and have no qualms about leaving mom to handle the care. They don’t “notice” that she’s burnt out and refuse to contribute unless they’re specifically asked, and even then, they use weaponized incompetence to get out of most of the work.
Society needs to change. Men are just as capable of raising kids as women, and they need to start acting like equal parents – starting with OP’s partner.
Source: Reddit
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