Partnership takes work and compromise. But just how much is open for debate.
When people first move in together, they must navigate complex topics such as shared bills and lifestyle changes. But we rarely discuss the minutia, like “Should I stay home when my partner is sick?”
Should I Stay Home When My Partner is Sick?
It’s a nuanced topic without a right answer.
First, what do you mean by “stay home?? Are you skipping work, school, or a social event? Next, how sick is your partner? Can they care for themselves? Is it an emergency? Third, does your partner even want you to stay, and if so, why?
You can’t decide whether staying home is the right option unless you have all the answers.
But things aren’t always as they seem. Some folks are perfectly capable of caring for themselves, yet they expect their partner to wait on them hand and foot when they’re sick.
Sick for a Week
We found a story on Reddit where an Original Poster (OP) wondered if he was wrong for leaving his sick husband to attend a family birthday party for a few hours.
The husband was sick for a week, and OP stayed home most of the time to care for him.
“He’s quite miserable (headache, nausea, fairly high fever), so I’ve been working from home to be able to keep an eye on (him) throughout the day,” he explained.
Weekend Birthday Party
OP has much younger twin sisters, who were celebrating a birthday over the weekend. Obviously, the husband doesn’t feel like going.
“On Friday, Harry told me he wasn’t feeling up to a children’s birthday party, which is understandable. I wouldn’t necessarily want to be around rowdy children if I was sick either,” he said.
However, he didn’t want to miss his sister’s milestones and wanted to make an appearance.
Mindful of his ill husband, OP only stays at the party for a short while.
Husband Mad
Although he didn’t say anything before the weekend, OP’s husband was clearly upset. “When I told Harry as much, he didn’t comment on it, but he did seem a bit grumpy afterwards,” he said.
OP didn’t realize how upset he was until after the party.
“The party went great, and I got back home after about 2 hours without any calls from Harry, so I assumed everything had gone well,” he said.
But that was not the case.
“He was frowning all evening, and when I asked whether he was alright, he called me selfish for leaving him alone and accused me of not caring about his well-being. He told me I should’ve stayed home with him instead of having fun on my own while he was miserable. He has since been giving me the silent treatment whenever I tried to talk to him about it,” he recounted.
Should OP Have Stayed Home?
A few days later, he’s still moping and giving the silent treatment. OP can’t help but wonder if he was wrong to attend the party.
Most Redditors validated his actions.
“The flu sucks, but your husband is an adult, and he can spend a few hours taking care of himself,” said one, adding, “Perhaps it would be a shock to your husband to learn this, but there are plenty of people out there who will spend an entire week taking care of themselves! Even if they are sick! Sometimes, longer than a week!”
“As a man who is also rendered completely helpless when he has a cold, his accusation that you’re being selfish is completely out of line,” stated another. “You’re allowed to take a two-hour break on Day 7 of his flu after taking care of him all week. When he’s feeling better, take him to task for his whining.”
The Dreaded Man Flu
Many also used the opportunity to poke fun at the man flu, which is a joke illness making fun of men who become incompetent babies at the slightest sign of sickness.
“Oh yes, the dreaded man flu. Worst thing on the planet if you’re male. Can’t function at all,” quipped one user.
“Studies show that the man flu is actually just as painful as childbirth,” joked another.
No Reason To Stay Home
Overall, Redditors validated OP. He shouldn’t have to stay home just because his partner was sick. In fact, he already went above and beyond by working from home for the week and leaving the party early.
OP’s husband is just a giant man-baby who needs to grow up.
When Should You Stay Home?
The story shows that it’s okay to leave a sick partner for a few hours to attend an event, especially if they’re capable of caring for themselves. A lot of people guilt their partners into skipping fun activities when they can’t go, just because they’re sick.
However, that begs the question, when should you stay home when a partner is sick?
You should stay home if your partner is so incapacitated that they can’t care for themselves. You should also make an effort to show you care, so you shouldn’t go out every day while your partner is battling an illness.
If you can take time off work or work from home, it doesn’t hurt to stay home and help your partner when they’re sick, but if you don’t have the time off, you shouldn’t sacrifice your paycheck (unless it’s an emergency).
Relationships Take Compromise
The best way to determine if you should stay home when your partner is sick is to talk with them before it happens. Add it to the conversations you have before living together and set the expectations up front. Decide upon a process that works for both of you and for the relationship.