Society’s unwritten rules about behavior try to define what’s rude and what’s respectful, but society doesn’t always get it right.
First, rude vs. respectful varies by culture. Second (and more importantly!), a lot of things people call “rude” are really just things they don’t like.
Behaviors Everyone Calls Rude
Here, we’re showcasing the weirdest things people call rude to highlight that society sometimes gets it wrong. (The behavior isn’t weird; people calling it rude is what’s weird!)
In fact, doing these “rude” things can actually make your life better!
So go forth and be rude (but only in these situations where it’s not actually rude).
Declining an Invitation
Why did we decide it’s rude to say no to something we don’t want to do?
Some people act like you kicked their puppy if you give a simple “no” to their invitation. They insist on knowing why you can’t come, thinking they’re the arbiter of whether your excuse is justified.
No is a complete sentence. You shouldn’t have to make up an excuse to avoid something you don’t want to do.
No Petting
Of course, it’s always nice when folks ask if they can pet the dog, and much better than just reaching over without permission.
However, despite their hurt feelings, it’s not rude to say no.
Some dogs don’t do well with strangers, and others are busy working. The best response is a kind no paired with “Thank you so much for asking!”
Asking Folks To Leave
Have you ever thrown a party, then had to wait an outrageously long time for that last clueless guest to say goodnight?
As hosts, we feel bad about telling our guests to leave, but it’s okay to call it a night when the party is over.
Use the good ol’ Midwest standby “Welp!” and everyone will know it’s time to go.
Being Quiet
Introverts are allowed to hang out too!
Sometimes, our extroverted friends think we’re rude if we don’t join the conversation, but we like being quiet, and that should be okay.
To be honest, you’re lucky you got us out of the house in the first place.
Jumping Right To It
Why do we insist on pointless niceties before asking for what we want?
Corporate culture has folks wasting time exchanging pleasantries rather than coming right out with the question.
I don’t understand why I can’t type “Hey X how are you? What’s the status of Y?” in one message, but some people think that’s rude. They’d rather chat for a minute before diving in.
Perhaps neither option is rude; it’s just different people with different preferences.
Not Hugging Relatives
Why do parents force their children to hug distant relatives they never see?
We should teach kids that they have the final say over who touches them, not force them into physical contact they don’t want.
It’s never rude to not want to touch someone, and we should accept people’s (especially children’s!) boundaries about who can touch them.
Way to teach consent!
Not Responding Immediately
The best thing about texting is that you can take your time to answer, or so we thought.
Some folks get cranky when you don’t respond to a text immediately, but why? You should be able to respond at your convenience.
I guess I get it if you’re in the middle of a text conversation and it suddenly goes silent, but outside of that, nobody should expect an immediate response.
Not Drinking
Some people throw a fit when you refuse to drink with them. They ask questions about why you won’t indulge and try to pressure you into changing your mind.
There’s absolutely nothing rude about hanging out without drinking, or about declining an invitation to a bar or club where the major activity is drinking.
We need to stop peer pressuring folks into alcoholism.
Coworkers, Not Friends
We don’t choose our coworkers; sometimes, we have nothing in common with them outside of work.
We’re not obligated to attend happy hours, potlucks, or other activities with our colleagues. We don’t need to be friends outside of work.
A lot of our colleagues think we’re rude if we don’t want to hang out, but it’s okay to have a private life that’s completely separate from your work life.
Salary Discussions
Corporate America loves pushing the narrative that discussing your salary is rude, but it only benefits them.
It’s illegal for them to forbid employees from talking about money, so they did the next best thing: they made it taboo.
Employees should discuss their earnings. It’s the best way to determine whether a company treats everyone fairly.
Refusing To Follow the Script
People hate it when you don’t follow the script they designed for you.
Here’s why the life script doesn’t work for everyone and why it’s okay to do something different.
Setting Boundaries
Drawlab19 via Shutterstock.com.
Selfish people will scream about how rude you are for setting a very reasonable boundary.
You’re not the rude one – they are. It’s rude to squash people’s boundaries, not rude to set them.
Standing Up for Yourself
Bullies love poking and poking until you’ve had enough and stand up for yourself. Then, they’ll play the victim and call you the rude one!
And because they’re so loud about it, society often agrees.
Society Calls it Rude, I Call it Advocacy
American culture deems many things rude that really aren’t.
Most of the behaviors everyone calls rude are actually just self-advocacy. It’s okay to say no, be yourself, set boundaries, and reject social norms.
But Don’t Be Rude About It
Of course, like everything, there’s nuance. Sometimes the rudeness comes in how you say things rather than in what you’re saying.
It’s not rude to politely decline an invitation – it is rude to act like you’re better than the folks who are going. There’s nothing wrong with saying no to a hug, unless you’re rejecting it with disgust and disdain.
Just be kind about it when you can. If you have to be stern – be stern, but that’s still not rude! The person who refuses to accept your first “no” is the real rude one!