Some men don’t want an equal relationship, they want a live-in servant who also pays most of the bills. They can’t seem to comprehend why their girlfriends don’t like the deal.
One man highlighted this phenomenon with his complaints on the popular R/relationships community of Reddit. He expressed hurt and anger when his girlfriend stopped packing him nice lunches, and came to Reddit seeking help upon learning she wouldn’t contribute more unless he stepped up. He was outraged that she wanted him to pay more than for their shared living expenses.
OP’s Financial Situation
OP explained that upon graduation from college, he quit his $24-per-hour job as a line cook to pursue work in his chosen industry for much less pay. He said it was only supposed to be temporary, to get his foot into the door, but he enjoys the work and his colleagues, so he’s stayed longer and hasn’t been actively searching for a new job.
His girlfriend is still in college but works four days per week as a server. She was recently diagnosed with a severe autoimmune disorder.
OP Complains Girlfriend Doesn’t Do Enough
mariakray via Shutterstock.com.
OP’s primary complaint is that his girlfriend doesn’t do enough around the house.
“Sometimes I come home, and the dishes still aren’t done, or she “forgets” to do the laundry. Or the bed isn’t made, ”OP complains. “Furthermore, she has been just meal prepping me casseroles to eat through the week instead of her usual meals, which were more “home cooking,” I guess you could say,” he added.
OP graciously assumes she stopped doing so much around the house due to her medical conditions but was shocked to find out the truth.
Girlfriend Won’t Do More Unless He Does
When confronted, OP’s girlfriend dropped a harsh truth bomb. She was tired of doing most of the housework while contributing more financially. She refused to continue down this path, and would no longer do more than her fair share.
A distraught OP insisted their arrangement was already fair, claiming they split finances 50/50, and the chores were “fair based on their schedules,” but his description of who pays for what and who does what tells a far different story.
They split fixed expenses 50/50, but she pays $700 monthly for their groceries. He pays nothing. On top of that, she’s paying for her medical expenses, and he squirrels away twice as much money each month (though he claims his savings are “for them 🙄.”
The chore split is even more outrageous. In the now-deleted comments, OP admitted that all he does is make the bed, take the trash out, and clean the litter boxes, while his girlfriend cooks every night, does the dishes, laundry, and general housekeeping.
He’s coasting off her financial support and domestic labor and doesn’t even see it.
Conversation Backfires
When OP attempted to talk to his girlfriend about her contributions, the conversation didn’t go as he expected.
She said she’d pick up the slack around the house if he got a better job and paid for more of their expenses.
“She said, “If she’s going to be bearing the majority share of the finances, then we can split the household responsibility the same way,” recited OP.
He was “flabbergasted,” and accused his girlfriend of having a “transactional and shallow view of our relationship.” Even when breaking down the costs, he couldn’t see that she pays more and contributes more around the house.
OP refused to see where he was wrong, saying without reflection, “I miss my old girlfriend who did so much for me,” and that his girlfriend’s new position gives him “gold digger vibes.”
OP is The Problem
Redditors eviscerated OP in the comments, pointing out that he’s the problem and seems to be doing exactly what he’s accusing her of doing.
One honed in on the “I miss my old girlfriend who did so much for me” comment. “How can someone seriously say this **** and not burst into flames out of sheer shame is a mystery to me,” they said, adding, “It must be nice to be so unburdened with any sort of ability to self-reflect.”
Another said his gold-digger comments seem more like projection than reality.
“I also think it’s weird that you’re making less but saving more which indicates to me that the expenses aren’t being split fairly,” responded one user. “You’re calling her a gold digger, but you’re the one who seems to be taking advantage of her.”
“You are the one who seems like the gold digger because you want to keep a crap job so you can hang out with your buddies and have a girlfriend to keep you afloat because right now, without her, you would be in trouble,” replied another.
OP Wants a Maid
Numerous Redditors pointed out OP’s horrible attitude toward his girlfriend. Some wondered if he even liked her at all, outside of what she did for him, while others said he was looking for a mommy or a maid and not an equal partner.
“You miss having a maid, not a girlfriend,” stated one.
“If the house isn’t as tidy as you want it to be, then clean it. If she’s not making meals you like, then cook your own food and buy your own groceries,” replied another, adding, “From your own words and comments, all you’re doing is making her life harder.”
An All-Too-Common Problem
It would be funny if OP was a massive outlier, but the harsh truth is situations like these are all too common.
Hobosexual men target high-earning yet vulnerable women to coast through life without contributing. Labor diggers seek relationships so they have someone to do their chores. Men use weaponized incompetence at home to get out of housework.
Across the country, men benefit from women’s domestic labor, as men in relationships have approximately 13% more free time than women.
OP messed up with his horrific entitlement to his partner’s money and labor, but he’s not all that different from men in relationships across the country. He pushed too far, and his girlfriend started to wise up.
Hopefully, as more stories like this get shared, people will see the vast disparity in their own lives and work to resolve it.
Source: Reddit