More and more people are looking at parenthood and saying, “nah, that’s not for me.”
But are they really thinking it through?
I mean digging real deep into the furthest reaches of the internet to find something – anything – that gives them pause and makes them think “maybe signing up for 20 years of domestic servitude isn’t that bad?”
The Downsides of Not Having Kids
As a childfree person myself, I needed to know, so I did the work for you. I scoured the internet searching for anecdotes, articles, and anything else I could find describing the consequences of not having kids.
Parents of the internet happily helped. They described the joys of parenthood and all the benefits of having kids, but I don’t know that these stories changed my mind.
Here’s what people who love parenthood think the downsides of not having kids are, and why I don’t necessarily agree.
Lonely in Old Age
A lot of parents claim that children provide companionship in old age. Even some older childfree people have said they didn’t realize how lonely aging would be.
I haven’t reached my senior years yet, so maybe I don’t fully know. However, I have visited elderly grandparents in nursing homes. The majority of residents looked lonely beyond despair, and the majority of them had children.
The harsh truth is that having kids is not guaranteed to stave off loneliness. Just listen to Cats in the Cradle.
No Excuse
Kids offer a great excuse to ditch work. I can’t stay late; I have to pick up the kids! I can’t work the weekend; the kid has a recital!
Honestly, I think this is a rather lame excuse to have kids. You could, I don’t know, just advocate for yourself instead?
Also, I hate that people use the fact that parents use their kids as a sort of “get out of jail free card” for work. Childfree people also have lives outside of work.
I think having a work culture that gives everyone ample time off to do whatever they want would be better for society as a whole.
Free Labor
Once the kids are old enough, they can start helping around the house. Children can and should do household chores commensurate with their age to learn responsibility.
People without kids always have to do all the work themselves.
Or, they could pay someone else to do it with all the money they saved not having kids. Plus, your house will probably be cleaner in the first place.
Social Isolation
The worst thing about not having kids is when all your friends start to have kids.
You become an almost social pariah.
Everyone else is doing kid stuff, and you clearly don’t want to go to that, so you get left off the invites. Friendships fade.
But it doesn’t have to be that way. The ranks of the childfree are growing, so you can make new friends with like-minded adults.
You can also keep your old friendships – give new parents grace, accept that their lives will have to revolve around parenthood for a time, and be there for them when you can.
Holidays Lose Magic
Children bring a magical innocence to the holiday season. Adults get to recreate that by making magical moments for their own children, but holidays can lose their magic for those without kids.
That’s only if you let them.
There’s nothing wrong with creating holiday magic for yourself.
I even create it for the neighborhood kids. Halloween is my jam, so I open my Witch’s Lair every Halloween and entice the little children with magic potions (candy) and scary music.
They love it. My house is the favorite on Halloween.
Epic Adventure
Some people call having kids an epic adventure. It’s filled with immeasurable highs, unimaginable lows, and loads of boring in between.
People without kids miss this particular adventure, but that doesn’t mean they can’t pursue other adventures.
Because I didn’t have kids, I was able to travel all over the world and move across the country four times.
Life is a choose-your-own adventure game.
That Warm Loving Feeling
There’s a unique feeling of pride and accomplishment that comes with parenting. Parents realize they made the right choice on those cold winter nights when the little ones cuddle in their lap, sharing their hopes and dreams.
People without children can recreate the feeling by becoming a beloved aunt or working with kids, but parents claim it will never be the same.
On the plus side, I wouldn’t know the difference 🤷♀️.
No Help as You Age
A lot of parents say, “Who will take care of you when you get older,” as some sort of “gotcha” for those without kids.
Although many adult children do help their parents stay independent longer, there are no guarantees, as we know from the millions of parents in nursing homes that we already discussed.
Yes, people without kids will never even have the option, but they can save all the money they didn’t spend on kids and use it for better end-of-life care.
Watching Someone Grow
Many parents say the greatest joy of parenthood is watching children grow into the people they will become. Knowing you guided this growth provides an immense sense of fulfillment.
For some people.
The truth is, everyone finds fulfillment in different things. If you find it in parenthood, great! But there’s no guarantee the next person will. The next person might pretend to work overtime every night to avoid going home, because they hate being a parent so badly.
Each person gets to decide what a fulfilling life looks like for them.
Tax Benefits
Parents get all sorts of tax breaks. They get to claim their kids as dependents, lowering their total taxable income, and I’m sure some other parenting expenses are tax-deductible too.
However, I doubt the tax benefits offset the outrageous cost of having kids in any meaningful way. If you’re having kids for the tax breaks, you should recheck your math.
Who Gets the Parents?
If your siblings have children, and you don’t, guess who will ultimately care for your parents?
Those without kids are often default caretakers of elders, as their siblings assume they have fewer responsibilities.
I find it fascinating that people use this as a reason to have kids, but say in the same breath that you should have kids, so you have someone to care for you as you age. Clearly, these folks don’t want to take care of their own parents, so what makes them think their kids will want to take care of them?
It’s the most hypocritical “downside” of not having kids I’ve encountered.
An Outcast
Because having kids is the norm, some people eye those without kids suspiciously, sometimes going so far as to think there is something wrong with childfree folks.
Thankfully, that stigma is lifting as a child-free lifestyle gains wider acceptance.
But even if it wasn’t – we don’t have to do something just because it’s a social norm. A lot of social norms are actively harmful.
We can live the lives we want.
End of the Line
Most species on Earth have one core function: to reproduce, allowing their genetics to live on.
Opting out of parenthood is also opting yourself out of the gene pool for future generations.
I, for one, am thankful that I have control over my base instincts. I think legacy is a silly thing to be concerned about anyway.
Not Really Many Downsides
In exploring the negative consequences of not having kids, I have to say, I don’t see many downsides.
My life is happy and full, as it is. I think having kids would impact my life in more negative ways than positive ones. But that’s just me.
The best thing about life is that we all get to choose what’s best for ourselves. If that means having kids for you – fantastic! You go out there and be the best parent you can be!
But that’s not it for a lot of us, and that’s okay.
Lots of Reasons Not to Have Kids
We looked at the downsides of not having kids, but what are the upsides?
There are actually a whole lot of reasons to avoid parenthood, and a lot of the younger generations are starting to see them. Here are our top reasons for not wanting kids.
Do you agree or disagree? Join the debate!