Parents worldwide whisper sweet, comforting lies to their children, telling them that they’re perfect and that someday, they’ll find someone who loves them for who they are.
A Comforting Lie
The problem is that it’s not true. Parents may love their children unconditionally, but no one else will.
Here’s why the idea that love transcends all and people will love you for who you are actually toxic.
Love Transcends All
We’ll start with the idea that love transcends all. This insidious notion places love at the center of the universe and tries to tell people that as long as they love someone, nothing else matters.
Here’s why that’s not true.
Love Doesn’t Pay The Bills
The Beatles sang, “Money can’t buy love,” while that’s true, the opposite is also true. Have you ever tried paying the water bill with love? They’ll laugh in your face.
Compatibility Matters
No amount of love can change the fact that some people are too different for a relationship to work. Maybe one wants kids, and the other doesn’t, or one is happy living a minimalist lifestyle while the other wants more.
There’s nothing wrong with either choice, but all the love in the world won’t change the fact that you want very different things out of life.
It Makes Abuse Acceptable
The worst aspect of the “love transcends all” trope is that it brainwashes people into accepting abuse for “love.” People stay in abusive relationships because they’re tricked into believing they should take abuse from the person they love.
They Should Love Me For Who I Am
The other toxic notion regarding love is that someone should love you for who you are. Here’s why that’s a fantasy.
Who Are You?
First, think about what that means. Who are you?
What, exactly, should people love about you?
You Are What You Do
The famous philosopher Lau Tzu said it best:
“Watch your thoughts, they become your words; watch your words, they become your actions; watch your actions, they become your habits; watch your habits, they become your character; watch your character, it becomes your destiny.”
Some Traits Aren’t Loveable
The “love me for who I am” trope works excellently for humble, honest, and dependable people. But you can’t expect someone to love you for who you are when what you are is a mean, bitter old soul.
It Hinders Improvement
You shouldn’t change for anyone except yourself. However, if you’re not loveable in your current state, maybe you should explore making some changes rather than digging in deep and saying people should “love you for who you are.”
Sorry, but no one will love someone who lacks basic hygiene and spends their time fighting people online from the safety of their mom’s basement. Stop blaming people for not loving you and fix yourself to become a desirable partner.
People Deserve an Equal Partner
Some folks say their partner should love them for who they are while refusing to help around the house or contribute to the bills.
You have to bring something to the table if you want a relationship.
Money Matters
People commonly throw out phrases like “love conquers all” and “they should love me for who I am” when they’re upset that no one wants to date them due to their financial situation.
They seem to think money isn’t an essential aspect of life, but it is. Stop calling people golddiggers for wanting a financially stable partner, and get your financial life in order before dating.
Love is Great, But It’s Not Everything
Love is a beautiful thing. It’s the subject of epic poems, the cause of our greatest joys and the deepest pits of our despair.
But it’s not everything. Kindness matters. Stability and security matter. Compatibility matters. You’ll be better off once you figure out that love isn’t the only essential ingredient to a happy life.
When Love Leads to Financial Abuse
Financial abuse is all too common, but often kept quiet because people don’t understand it’s impacts. Learn the signs of financial abuse to protect your loved ones.
A Shining Example Where Love Isn’t Enough: He Uses Her Love to Subsidize His Lifestyle
Who pays what is a point of contention in many relationships. One man came to Reddit to see if he was wrong for expecting his girlfriend to split the bills equally when he makes three times her salary.
Beware Wokefishing!
Online dating is a cesspool, and now women have to navigate yet another insidious scheme: wokefishing. Find out why men lie about politics and why women refuse to date them.
You Don’t Need a Partner To Be Happy
You don’t have to get married and have kids to be happy. The life script isn’t for everyone. Here’s why you should ditch it and do your own thing.
Find Fulfillment in Life
With the hustle and bustle of daily life, we often forget to take time to do what makes us happy.
Here are 37 tips to help you live your best life.