Society desperately tries to force everyone into neat little boxes using “societal expectations” to make us conform.
But we’re humans, and humans don’t always fit into neat boxes.
That means you don’t have to do something just because it’s what people expect.
What Are Societal Expectations?
via Shuttestock.com.
Societal expectations are the things everyone expects you to do. They’re the things we collectively decided are proper for a functioning society.
And although I started a little provocatively, they’re not all bad.
Societal expectations include things like obeying the law, stopping for pedestrians, being courteous to others, and taking responsibility for yourself.
And they also serve an evolutionary purpose.
Back when we lived in wild tribes, societal expectations saved our lives (and often, our communities).
Those who went against the grain died, while people who followed the rules (which often served life-saving purposes) survived.
Societal Expectations You Can Skip (If You Want)
We no longer live in wild tribes, and sometimes modern societal expectations miss the mark.
These outdated expectations come from giant corporations trying to tweak culture in attempts to win more profits, political propaganda, or well-intentioned folks who don’t understand that different people want different things out of life.
Here are the top societal expectations you can skip if you want.
Constant Hustling
The fascinating thing about societal expectations is that they’re not always outdated. The new idea that you must always be working to survive (or, as we call it, hustle culture) is the most recent arrival.
Hustle culture turned all our fun, relaxing hobbies into money-making ventures. It promotes the idea that everything we do must be for money, and that if you spend even a single minute relaxing, you deserve to be poor.
It’s ridiculous.
First, not everyone is capable of working 24/7. We’ve got other responsibilities.
But more importantly, we all deserve free time. We should all do more of what we love just for the sake of doing it.
What’s the point if we aren’t?
Be Your Own Boss
Entrepreneurship stands firm as the American ideal, but not everyone is cut out for it, and that’s okay.
Some folks just want to work their forty hours, go home, and enjoy their lives. They don’t want to worry about work after hours.
If you’re a driven businessperson who thrives in fast-paced, high-risk environments, go for it. But not everyone needs to own their own business.
Leadership
The push for everyone to be a leader hurts those not cut out for leadership (and the people forced under them).
Everyone has different strengths, and we should celebrate those rather than pigeonhole everyone into roles that don’t suit them.
It would be far better if companies had two paths for promotion: leadership and technical. It would provide advancement opportunities for smart, capable people lacking leadership skills.
Unfortunately, we’ve collectively decided only leaders deserve high pay, and that means people who suck at it will continue applying.
Marriage
Society bombards us with the idea that marriage is the gateway to adulthood and the key to a happy life.
Although marriage can be great, it doesn’t work for everyone. A lot of people are better off staying single.
You don’t have to get partnered up if you’d rather be alone.
Parenthood
I once asked a friend, who was a mother, why she decided to have kids.
She said, “That’s just what you do.” She never even considered that she had another option.
I think the idea that everyone must have kids is the worst modern societal expectation there is.
The insistence that everyone has kids leads to horrible outcomes for both the people who weren’t ready to be parents and the kids who suffer from their neglect.
Instead, we should make raising kids easier and more affordable for the people who genuinely want to be parents and accept that some folks would rather not.
Having it All
In the early 200s, society told women they could have it all.
You can have everything you want: a dream house, blissful marriage, 2.5 kids, thriving career, and all the free time in the world.
Unfortunately, it was a lie that led to millions of women suffering from burnout from trying desperately to “have it all” and wondering why they couldn’t.
We only have a limited amount of time. Once it’s spent on one thing (say, raising kids, or working), it’s no longer available to spend elsewhere.
Stop trying to have it all, and instead prioritize what you want most.
Social Media
Social media is a pit of despair, but people act like you’re the weird one if you opt out.
You don’t need to be on social media just because your friends are doing it.
In fact, I think we’d all be better off if we ditched the social media platforms.
Drinking Culture
Americans rely on booze for a good time and sometimes look down on those who choose not to imbibe.
Why do we care what others drink?
I go to happy hours to hang out and socialize, and I can do that just fine with a glass of water.
Thankfully, younger generations understand the assignment. They’re much less likely to engage in drinking culture.
College
When Millennials were in high school, our parents told us we must go to college for a successful life. We went in droves, saddling ourselves with tens of thousands of dollars of student loan debt.
While I’m a big fan of education and would love it if more people went to college, I understand the trade-off.
College isn’t the only path to success, and some kids don’t have the aptitude (not saying they’re dumb – some folks just aren’t academically inclined, and that’s okay).
I wish college were affordable so everyone with the aptitude could just go, but unfortunately that’s not reality.
A Forty-Year Career
Society expects us to spend our best years working for someone else.
We typically have no choice because we need to work to survive. With all the advances in society, we shouldn’t have to give our best years for basic survival.
You still have time to opt out.
Why not explore the financial independence movement and make a plan to retire early? You may still have to work 20-30 years, but at least you’ll still have some time to live your life for yourself.
Early Birds
Why does everything have to start early? Some folks are early birds; others are late risers. Why does society push us all onto the same schedule?
I’ll admit, I’m an early bird, so it works for me. However, I know a lot of people who hate mornings. They thrive on swing and night shifts.
If you don’t enjoy mornings, look for careers that let you work in the evening or overnight, or start your own business and set your own hours.
Hook Up Culture
Society puts outrageous pressure on young folks to hook up.
Men face the worst of it, with people calling their masculinity and personhood into question if they refuse to participate (while at the same time, ridiculing the women who “hook up”).
Your body is your own. You don’t have to “hook up” if you don’t want to (and you can if you want! No shame to anyone who enjoys it).
Giving Him a Chance
This one’s for the ladies (because nobody ever tells a guy to give a girl he’s not interested in a chance.)
Society expects women to give the guy who’s interested in her a chance, whether she likes him or not. Even worse, it expects women to give creepy stalker dudes who can’t take no for an answer a chance!
“He’s only doing it because he likes you, give him a chance!”
Uhhh, how about no?
Ladies, you don’t have to cave to the societal expectation that you must give a man your time and attention.
Taboo Salary Talks
Do you know why the societal expectation to never discuss money or salary started?
Because companies didn’t want to pay people fairly, and it was illegal for them to stop you from discussing it.
If corporations could convince you that talking about salary was taboo, they could pay Bob $10,000 more per year for the same work, and you’d never know the difference.
Talk money with your coworkers.
Debt
Debt is a giant ball and chain holding everyone back, yet the constant barrage of credit ads and the outrageous cost of pretty much everything makes it challenging to avoid.
In addition, we decided to give three private companies full control of who gets debt and what they pay for it, with the “credit score ratings.” If you don’t have any debt, you have a low score, which encourages people to take on debt.
Take on debt for big purchases like homes, cars, and education, but avoid credit cards if you can. They only serve to keep us trapped in debt.
Do What You Want
I’m not saying these societal expectations are bad. Marriage and parenthood are both wonderful – for the right people. Debt can be a great tool. Some folks thrive while running their own business or as leaders.
But the point is that they’re expectations we put on everyone, and they don’t actually work for everyone.
We want you to live the life you want – whether that means following these societal expectations or not. And if it’s a “no,” we want you to know that’s okay.
Live the life you want. You deserve that.