Double standards will never go away.
The famous saying “We judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their actions” rings true everywhere; it’s human nature.
That doesn’t mean we have to like it. Some double standards, whether at work or in society, are so egregious we wish they’d just disappear.
What are Double Standards?
“Rules for thee, but not for me!”
A double standard is any situation where two parties are held to different, well, standards.
It’s when we have high expectations for one side while letting the other get away with anything, give some groups more leeway than others, or make rules certain folks don’t have to follow.
And guess what? Our society has a lot of them.
Although the most egregious double standards stem from America’s toxic work culture, we can also find them in society’s rules, life, and relationships.
Discover the worst offenders.
Unfair Double Standards at Work
We have to work to survive, and that makes the double standards we find at work rage-inducing.
Companies get away with so many atrocious actions while expecting the best from their employees at all times.
Have you experienced any of these double standards in our work culture?
Company Loyalty
In the past, companies rewarded loyalty. Long-time employees received regular raises and excellent pensions to see them through their senior years.
In return, people worked hard and spent their entire careers at one place.
Loyalty went both ways.
Today, companies expect the same level of loyalty while offering nothing in return. Pensions vanished, raises are practically non-existent, and they’ll fire you in a heartbeat to save a buck.
But god forbid you leave for better opportunities, quiet quit, or expect work-life balance.
And never ask for a raise – it’s not in the budget despite record profits.
Essential Workers
The COVID pandemic taught us that the millions of people who staff our grocery stores and hospitals are, indeed, essential.
But it turns out, they’re only “essential” in the sense that we need them to work. They’re not essential enough to deserve a living wage, healthcare, or even the respect of customers.
Calling people “essential workers” out of one side of our mouths while refusing to treat them as such is an insane double standard.
Employee Performance & Results
Human biases create a lot of double standards, especially with regard to employee performance.
A poor leader (and let’s face it, there are millions of them!) will treat employees differently.
They’ll rate their friends higher than high performers, or refuse to put slackers on notice. They’ll let one bothersome employee get away with anything, but when a good worker makes a tiny mistake, it’s the end of the world.
These double standards in workforce management create unfair work environments for everyone.
Do As I Say, Not as I Do
Poor managers have another toxic double standard: they expect employees to follow their words rather than their actions.
A leader should be willing to dive into the trenches with their team, but far too many managers believe themselves to be above the fray.
They’ll scream until they’re blue in the face about workers not moving fast enough, all while refusing to do the one thing that would make everything better: lend a hand.
But it gets worse.
In a lot of companies, higher management gets away with all sorts of awful things that would cost the lowly rank-and-file staff their jobs. They can scream and yell and shout. They can work remotely while demanding everyone else sit in an office. They can waste company funds.
And everyone allows it.
Work-Life Balance
Companies love to extol the virtues of work-life balance, until an employee actually wants it.
What they really mean is that their higher-ups and executives get to enjoy work-life balance, but everyone else has to sacrifice their lives for the company.
People with management positions enjoy paid sick leave, vacation time, 401Ks, and regular M-F schedules. The people who do the actual work on the ground usually don’t have access to any of these benefits.
References
You need a good reference to get a job, but companies don’t give references for fear of legal action.
Job seekers are stuck between a rock and a hard place. They need a reference to get hired, but can’t get a company to give one.
Double Standards in Society
The workplace doesn’t have a monopoly on double standards.
They’re everywhere.
Political Teams
I think the worst example of double standards in society revolves around politics. And by that, I mean how everyone (probably even me) reacts to the things our leaders do.
We cheer when our team does something, yet scoff when the other team does the same. Wars are bad, unless MY party started one. High gas prices are the worst thing ever when the other team is in office, but can easily be explained away if my favorite politician is in charge.
We need to hold all politicians to high standards, no matter what team they are on.
Women Can’t Abuse Men
We have a whole unique article about the double standards women face in society, but it goes the opposite way too.
One of the biggest double standards is the way we talk about male victims of abuse, especially when the perpetrator is a woman. We pretend it’s impossible, but it’s the reality for millions of men.
Society needs to take abuse seriously, regardless of who is the victim and who is the perpetrator.
“Girly” Things
Another double standard men face is the labeling of certain activities “girly”.
For some reason, society can’t let men enjoy things like *checks notes* coffee creamer, showers, friends, or even comfort because they’re somehow unmasculine.
Why can’t we let people enjoy what they enjoy without assigning a gender to it?
The Justice System
America loves to claim our justice system is fair for everyone, but it’s absolutely not.
There are double standards every step of the way. The most glaring stem from racism.
Men of color are more likely to encounter the justice system at every step. They’re more likely to be stopped, searched, arrested, charged, and convicted than their white counterparts. And when they are convicted, they receive harsher sentences.
Our society will never be equal until justice is truly blind, and today, it’s clearly not.
Affluenza
Racism doesn’t account for the only double standard in the justice system. The other major disparity stems from wealth.
Wealthy people get away with crimes that poor folks can’t even imagine. Remember Ethan Couch, the teenager who killed four people while driving drunk? He was so rich he couldn’t understand how his actions impacted others, and thus was given a light sentence.
Would a poor kid be treated with such grace?
White Collar Crime
Speaking of rich vs. poor, why is it that a company can steal millions of dollars from customers and receive a slap on the wrist while a poor man who steals bread gets imprisoned?
Why can health insurance companies effectively kill millions of people by refusing to pay claims?
White-collar crime and atrocities committed by companies are handled with kid gloves, despite having higher impacts than many other crimes.
Citizens United may have said companies are people, but when was the last time you saw a company convicted of a crime?
Ruin Who’s Life?
Sexism creates a ton of double standards, and I hate them all. But perhaps the worst one is how we react to sexual violence.
Brock Turner raped a woman, but the judge gave him a light sentence because he “didn’t want to ruin his life.” The Cornell 7 drugged and raped a woman over the span of several hours, but the school let them write essays as punishment so as not to impact their futures.
And these are just two cases that made national headlines.
Young men commit sexual violence at alarming rates, yet nobody holds them accountable because we don’t want to “ruin their lives.” Nobody stops to think about the young woman’s life that was already ruined, or the potential future victims.
Carbon Footprints
Companies did a fantastic job pointing the finger at individuals for pollution and waste when, in reality, companies are the biggest culprits.
Industrial waste dwarfs consumer waste, yet companies don’t make an effort to improve. Instead, they tell us, the lowly consumer, that we need to recycle harder, take fewer trips, and drive less (while demanding we return to in-office work).
Obviously, we should all do what we can to help the environment. But the best way to effect change is to boycott the companies that cause the most damage. Vote with your dollars.
Relationship Double Standards
Human beings are biased, flawed creatures. Many of us hold our friends, family members, and romantic partners to ridiculous standards that we’d never agree to ourselves.
But on the plus side, we can improve.
Try to avoid these relationship double standards in your own life.
Only Remember the Bad
People have an innate ability to remember the one worst thing you’ve ever done while ignoring all the good.
I guess it’s a survival trait. The bad can cause us real harm, so we focus on it.
But we’re no longer running around in the woods risking death at every turn. It’s okay to forgive and move on, and focus on the good things someone did rather than their one big mistake.
Unless YOU Did the Bad
On the opposite side, there are people who refuse to remember the awful things they did.
A lot of parents pretend they gave their children blessed childhoods, magically forgetting all the bad times. They never yelled, raised their hands, or prevented their kids from growing – that’s crazy talk.
It’s not just parents, though. We all have selective memories where we edit out the horrible things we’ve done. The alternative is facing them, and nobody wants to do that.
Well, you should. The world would be a better place if we could all admit to wrongdoing and try to make amends.
Babysitting vs. Parenting
The idea that men can’t parent their children needs to disappear.
When dads stay home, they’re babysitting. When they take the kids to the park, they’re “wonderful for spending time with their children.”
These activities are expected of mothers, who never get the same praise.
Okay for Me but Not for You
People have different expectations in relationships, and that’s completely fair. But you can’t expect your partner to follow rules that you yourself refuse to follow.
If he can’t have female friends, you can’t have male friends. If you get time to go out, so does she. Both phones are either open or off-limits.
Of course, I find a lot of these behaviors toxic and controlling and wouldn’t enter into a relationship with someone who expects them, but that’s just me.
Responsibility – that’s You!
Women’s biggest relationship complaint is that men don’t step up for their fair share of household responsibilities.
It becomes a double standard when these guys expect a clean house yet refuse to lift a finger to help. She has to do all the work, while he enjoys a peaceful home.
If you want a clean house, you should contribute to it. You can’t expect someone else to do all the work for you.
What Double Standards Do You Hate?
Do you think I captured the worst double standards in society? If not, what did I miss? Add your thoughts in the comments.