The battle between working spouses and stay-at-home parents rages ever onward. The working spouse thinks the job at home is easy and feels entitled to a relaxing evening upon returning home from the grind, while the stay-at-home partner feels their work is never done.
After years of doing everything at home, one woman was burned out and came to Reddit to find out if she was wrong.
Three Kids and Pregnant
The Original Poster (OP) said she’s a stay-at-home mother to three kids and pregnant with a fourth.
She didn’t disclose the kid’s ages, but she did mention homework as one of her many tasks, so we can assume at least one is school-aged.
Responsible for Everything at Home
OP’s husband seems to think the life of a stay-at-home parent abounds with leisure. He demands she complete all the housework and childcare on her own, making her responsible for cooking, cleaning, laundry, dishes, shopping, and anything related to school.
Her caretaking role extends to him as well. He wants her to cook him three meals daily: breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
Tired from Pregnancy
It seems OP managed this ridiculous ask with three kids, some of whom go to school for most of the day, but navigating summer vacation and pregnancy made it difficult.
She couldn’t keep up.
No Sympathy from Husband
OP’s husband completely disregarded her valid concerns, telling her it’s her job and she needs to do it.
Neither ever mentions that he gets a break from his job, but he doesn’t think her “job” is actually work and thus believes she’s living life on easy mode.
She Refuses To Cook
OP decided to stop cooking for her husband. Something had to give, and it wouldn’t be the children.
It’s been two nights, and he’s berating her as a terrible wife and making passive-aggressive comments about his hunger while refusing to do anything to take care of himself.
Done with Servitude
OP feels undervalued in the relationship. She’s been waiting on him hand and foot for years and has finally had enough.
However, his behavior makes her question her decision. Should she continue to cook him dinner?
He Needs To Step Up
Reddit agreed that OP’s husband has been slacking. He works 8 hours a day while she’s on call 24/7.
Unless he works regular 16-hour shifts, he has no room to say OP isn’t doing enough.
Make Him Do Her Work
If OP wants to salvage the relationship, she needs to make her husband understand how hard she works daily.
Many users recommended she take time away to let him handle things at home. If he’s a decent human, he’ll change his tune.
Why Did You Have Kids With This Guy?
Far too many users questioned OP’s decision to have children with this man, acting like it’s all her fault for “choosing” the wrong man.
However, this line of questioning doesn’t allow for nuance.
Many women have kids with men like this because they don’t show their true colors until after the kids are born. By then, it’s too late.
Birth control fails, and many states restrict women’s access to reproductive health, so she has no option but to give birth to more children if she gets pregnant.
Things are never as cut and dry as they seem.
Others mentioned divorce, but it’s unlikely OP can afford to divorce her husband. She hasn’t worked a “real” job in years and will likely get saddled with custody, limiting her options for working outside the home.
However, many single mothers found their workload drastically decreased after divorcing the deadbeat dad who only provided a paycheck, so maybe OP would have a similar experience.
Working it Out
We hope OP’s husband realizes how awful he’s been and takes steps to change his behavior. Working together as a team to raise the kids and care for the home is the best possible outcome, but sadly, far too many men feel that work is above them.
We wish OP the best.
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