Want to have tons of friends, slay all your goals, and live the life you’ve always wanted?
You need confidence.
But if you slumped your shoulders in despair, thinking “that will never be me,” stop! We can teach you how to be confident – and it’s easier than you think.
Why Confidence Matters
Confidence fosters self-belief, which in turn helps you put yourself out there, take smart risks, and pursue your goals.
Confident people take chances and don’t let failure get them down. They’ll win next time!
This can-do attitude leads to better outcomes and a happier life.
Don’t believe me? I’ve got research to back it up.
Studies on Confidence
In the past decade or so, multiple studies highlighted the relationship between confidence and happiness. Researchers in Malaysia found confident adolescents were happier than their peers, while a European survey of Turkish college students found that self-esteem, along with overall psychological well-being, explained about 51% of the total variance in happiness.
Research shows the opposite is also true: low self-esteem correlates with unhappiness. People lacking confidence show higher rates of depression and struggle to form positive social relationships.
Studies also support the link between confidence and achievement. Two 2013 studies highlight confidence’s role in success. The University of Western Sydney found a link between self-confidence and academic success, while researchers at Utah State University found a connection between confidence and success in team sports.
All these studies point to the same outcome: self-confidence is crucial to a happy, healthy, and meaningful life.
How To Be Confident
We know confidence matters, but we can’t just snap our fingers and Boom – self-assurance.
And when you already lack it, building confidence seems daunting. When bad things happen, we feel like we don’t deserve to feel good about ourselves. We’re scared of what will happen if we try and fail.
Never fear. I’m a certified happiness life coach, and if you follow my advice, you’ll be feeling more confident in no time!
Here’s how to be confident, even if you don’t feel it yet.
1. Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
In the world of Insta-perfection and online highlight reels, it’s easy to scroll through everyone else’s perfect photos and amazing lives, wondering what we’re doing wrong with our own.
Here’s a secret:
We’re not doing anything wrong.
All you see online is a brief snapshot of what they want you to see. It’s perfectly curated to make you think you aren’t good enough when, in reality, their life is just as dull and grinding as yours. Social media influencers have expensive cameras and an eye for aesthetics, but that doesn’t mean they are better than you.
Comparing yourself to others in real life can also be problematic. You may have a friend or family member who seems blessed. They have a dream life—a perfect partner, job, family, etc.
Not Always What It Seems
But there are a lot of things you don’t see.
How perfect is it? Do you know the ins and outs of everything, or does it just seem perfect from the outside? And even if it is perfect, how much hard work did it take for them to get there?
People rarely succeed solely through luck, but we tend to ignore their failures and setbacks along the way. We only look at their current position.
Everyone has to live at their own pace. Wherever you are in life, it’s okay. There’s nothing wrong with taking your time or choosing a non-traditional path.
All that matters is that you are where you need to be now.
2. Fake it ‘Til You Make it
Let’s be real. Sometimes, faking it helps.
Pretending you know what you’re doing helps you realize that you really do understand what you are doing. And even if it doesn’t, fake confidence sometimes creates true confidence.
If you don’t have any belief in yourself – fake it!
Pretend that you do. Act as you do.
Other people won’t be able to tell that it’s fake. They’ll think you really know what you’re doing. And the real secret is: you do!
You’re the only one who didn’t believe it.
When you fake self-confidence, you send a message to your subconscious that you are confident. The more you do it, the more the message will seep in. Eventually, you won’t even be faking it anymore.
You will have taught your inner self to be confident.
3. Be Purposeful with Body Language
Learning how to be confident starts with projecting confidence.
Stop slouching. Sit up straight. Roll your shoulders back. Open your body up and own the space you occupy.
Pay attention to how you present yourself. Are you always trying to be small or take up as little space as possible?
Stop!
It may seem silly, but being intentional about how you use space can do wonders for your self-esteem.
Imagine you have the confidence of a man on a subway and permit yourself to exist in the space you need.
Acknowledging that you have the same right to occupy space, then intentionally doing it, will help you build confidence.
4. Give Yourself a Boost
Does wearing a particular outfit improve your mood, or does donning a specific hairstyle give you a little pick-me-up?
Embrace those boosts.
Choose outfits and styles that make you feel good about yourself. Give yourself little treats that boost your self-esteem.
Sometimes, a tiny boost is all we need to feel confident, and that can lead to an epic day.
5. Change Your Style
If these tiny changes to boost yourself no longer help, consider a more drastic change. Change your wardrobe or get a new haircut.
Experiment with your style and own it. Dye your hair the color you’ve always wanted, get creative with your outfit choices, or give yourself a complete makeover.
Own your style. Allow yourself to feel in your own skin.
It might feel awkward at first, but the more comfortable you get being yourself, the more confident you will become.
6. Stay Positive
Positive thinking helps. Maintaining a positive outlook reduces your risk of illness and leads to happier lives.
A lot of people struggle to build confidence because they’re always thinking about the worst possible outcomes. They can’t bring themselves to try because the bad always tends to outweigh the good.
Well, that really depends on your perspective. Sometimes the worst that can happen isn’t actually a big deal, and the best that can happen is a massive improvement to your life.
Embracing a positive attitude will help you avoid limiting beliefs and find the bright side of everything the universe tosses at you. Once you can do that, you’ll be more confident that you can overcome a challenge.
7. Use the Law of Attraction
The Law of Attraction is the idea that the universe gives you what you ask for. However, it’s more complex than a one-time ask.
The universe doesn’t give you what you consciously ask for – it gives you what you tell it you want from the deepest depths of your soul.
That means it can work against you, too. If you constantly think negative thoughts about yourself and your abilities, those thoughts will manifest into reality, and you will continue to fail.
Conversely, if you think positive thoughts, encourage yourself through constructive self-talk, and honestly believe that you are worthy of good things, the good stuff will start flowing to you.
You attract what you put out into the universe.
Use the law of attraction to your advantage by manifesting confidence.
8. Stop the Negative Self Talk
We mentioned constructive self-talk above, but if you really want to build confidence, you need to understand the evil twin sister: negative self-talk.
I know you do it. I do it. We all do it.
When we mess something up, we say horrible things to ourselves like “God, I’m so dumb, I can’t believe I missed that question!” or “I’ll never be good enough for that job.”
Nothing destroys our confidence more than our own selves telling us how awful we are. You have to stop beating yourself up.
I know it’s hard; we’ve been screaming at ourselves for years. But try reframing. Instead of saying “I’m so dumb,” say “I am smart enough to get this right, I just need to focus,” or “I’m capable of learning this.”
Rather than saying “I’ll never be good enough,” say “I don’t have the skills yet, but I can learn them.”
Reframe your negative self-talk into something positive, and your confidence will start to grow.
9. Step Outside of Your Comfort Zone
One of the best ways to gain confidence is to succeed at something new and challenging. Army recruits run taxing obstacle courses, team-building events focus on demanding tasks, and escape rooms burst with complex puzzles, all because defeating these challenges builds confidence.
Solving complex scenarios helps you build confidence in your abilities.
But you don’t have to join the army to reap the benefits.
Join Toastmasters to overcome the terror of public speaking, face your fear of heights with a roller coaster, or master the horror you feel in the presence of creepy crawlers by getting a little too close to that spider.
It’s not all about facing your fears – simply doing something different helps. Try a new restaurant. Explore a new city. Go to an event you wouldn’t normally attend. Every little step outside your comfort zone builds confidence.
10. Take Care of Your Physical Health
Taking care of your physical health is vital to building confidence. Studies have shown that a healthy diet and physical activity help people build confidence and feel better about themselves overall.
It’s not easy to change a lifetime of bad habits.
Start small by making minor substitutions in your diet and committing to a light walk daily. Gradually work towards healthy changes, a more nutritious diet, and physical activity.
As a bonus, embracing a healthy lifestyle will give you more time to enjoy your dream life!
11. Cultivate a Growth Mindset
Developing a growth mindset will help you build confidence.
Those with a fixed mindset might be overwhelmed with negativity. Their inner voice may whisper that all the good ideas are taken and that they aren’t smart enough to succeed anyway.
Those with a growth mindset realize that the possibilities are endless. They know there are no bounds to what they can accomplish if they put their mind to it.
The good news is that you can change your mindset. Those with a fixed mindset can transform their lives by working towards a growth mindset. It’s not easy, but the results are well worth the effort.
12. Believe in Yourself
How do you build confidence? By believing in yourself! How do you believe in yourself? By building confidence!
I know, it seems like an endless loop, especially if you don’t already believe in yourself or have confidence.
Building confidence is part of believing in yourself, but it’s only one part of a three-legged stool. Believing in yourself also relates to building self-esteem and self-efficacy.
13. Build Self-Efficacy
What on Earth is self-efficacy?
I’m glad you asked.
When we ask how to be confident, we’re usually referring in generalities. How to be confident in life in general. Self-efficacy is confidence in a specific task or ability.
But it’s more than “feeling” confident, it’s knowing we can do the thing, because we’ve trained, studied, prepared, and done it before.
When you build self-efficacy, you’re beyond confident. You know you can do it.
And here’s a secret most folks won’t tell you: the more self-efficacy you have in a wider array of subjects, the more confident you will be overall.
14. Try
“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again!”
Let’s be real. Natural talent is a myth. Sure, some of us are blessed with a bit more aptitude for certain subjects, a bit more height for basketball, or a bit more athleticism, but those natural blessings don’t mean a thing if you don’t try.
Practice makes us great. Effort leads to success.
You’ll never learn how to paint if you put down the brush the first time your masterpiece looks more like a disaster. You need to keep trying – it’s the only way to get better.
Put your inner critic to rest by devoting time to honing your craft. Your skills will improve the more you do it (trust me, my first articles were horrible! And I’m not saying these newer ones are great, but I’ve seen how far I’ve come in 8 years; maybe in 8 more I’ll be a good writer!).
No one is good at something the first time they do it, but anything worth doing is worth doing poorly. You will get better, and as you see those improvements, your confidence will grow.
15. Allow Yourself to Be Wrong
People confuse confidence with a strong ego. They think that to be confident, you must shout your opinion louder than everyone else and always be right no matter what (even if you’re dead wrong!)
That is not confidence, its ego masquerading as strength (yes, I know “that’s not X it’s Y” sounds AI-ie, but I promise I wrote that).
When you have real confidence, you know it’s okay to change your mind when presented with new information. You know you don’t have to be right all the time, because being wrong helps you grow.
And guess what? Incorporating these habits into your life now will help you build confidence!
I know it seems counterintuitive, but trust me, it works. Drop the ego. Open yourself to learning. You’ll realize that being wrong isn’t actually that bad, and in the process, your confidence will actually grow.
16. Therapy
Sometimes, your self-esteem issues are horrible, and no amount of positivity or reframing will fix them.
You may struggle with a mental health issue, like depression or anxiety, limiting your ability to build confidence on your own.
There’s a stigma against therapy, and it needs to go away. Whether your lack of confidence is related to mental illness or not, seeking treatment can help you if you can’t help yourself.
I’ve seen a therapist for issues ranging from codependency to imposter syndrome. There’s no shame in getting the help you need.
Trust me. It will make your life better.
But Don’t Get Cocky, Kid
It’s great to believe in yourself and your abilities, but like anything, there are limits.
There’s a line between confidence and arrogance. When you start putting others down or acting like you’re better than everyone else, you’ve crossed that line.
Confident people don’t need to showboat. They’re secure in their abilities, so they don’t have to posture to protect their egos.
The other limit is realism. No amount of believing in yourself will give you the ability to fly.
Setting lofty goals is fine, but consider your skills and abilities first. You don’t want your dreams to be so high that they are impossible to achieve.
Go Forth With Confidence!
You may not believe in yourself, but I do.
I know you have the strength to overcome any challenge and the aptitude to achieve any goal. You just need a little confidence.
Incorporate some of these habits into your life, and it will come.
Start now. Hold your head up high and say, “I’ve got this!” because you do.