How do you feel about yourself?
The simple question may create a flurry of complex emotions. We want self-esteem and confidence, but we’re constantly bombarded with Instagram filters, photoshopped celebrities, and Facebook highlight reels showing perfect humans living perfect lives.
We can’t keep up.
As a certified life coach, I’ve discovered that the secret to happiness is self-love, but learning how to love yourself in modern society presents a massive challenge.
Let me help you. Discover the secrets to loving yourself and giving yourself the credit you deserve.
What Does Self-Love Look Like?
First, we must unpack the idea of self-love. What does it mean? How do you know if you love yourself?
Humans are complex. We have conflicting emotions about situations and personal hurdles to overcome. We experience joy and sorrow, pride and shame. External forces constantly interact with our inner lives, making it hard to determine the root cause of our feelings.
Self-love transcends all of that.
When you love yourself, you feel good about yourself. You’re confident, happy, full of energy, and secure in your choices. Self-love enables you to follow your own path, ignoring other people’s negativity.
The Secret to Loving Yourself
The secret is that there are multiple secrets. Loving yourself doesn’t have a one-size-fits-all set of directions.
Everyone has unique challenges, struggles, and strengths. One person may find that giving themselves a pampering bath at the end of the week is enough, while another may hate baths or need something more tangible.
The real secret is learning how to love yourself is a personal journey. But you don’t have to embark upon it alone.
How To Love Yourself 23 Ways To Feel Great About You
As a life coach, I’ve identified 23 methods for loving yourself that will guide most people to a life of self-compassion. It’s up to you to explore them and determine what works best for you, but I’m always here to help you along the way.
1. Define Self Love
The first step to showing yourself love is defining what that looks like to you, personally. Unfortunately, this crucial first step can be more complicated than it seems.
People who have never experienced displays of love may not know how to express it, especially to themselves.
Take time to examine your idea of love. Explore how you show it and feel it. Think back to the times in your life when you truly felt cherished. What about it was so meaningful?
Remember, self-love doesn’t have to involve epic, earth-shattering activities. It can be as simple as pampering yourself, curling up with a warm cup of cocoa and a book, or saying nice things about yourself.
All that matters is that your definition and methods of self-love work for you.
2. Discover Yourself
Many people, especially women, get so caught up in caring for everyone else that they forget to take a step back and consider themselves.
We’ve spent so much time helping others that we don’t even know who we are anymore, outside of “mom,” “wife,” or “partner.”
I understand those essential roles are a massive part of anyone’s identity. But those roles aren’t the only thing that matters.
You matter, too.
Your desires and emotions matter.
To love yourself, you must discover who you are. Conduct shadow work to dive into your psyche. Experiment with hobbies and ideas to find out what you like and want. Rekindle your passions, and allow yourself to explore them.
We can help.
I’ve designed an in-depth guide to discovering your passions, available on Etsy. It’s a 30-day road map to self-discovery and learning what you really want out of life.
3. Stop the Comparison Game
Studies have shown that social media use may lead to depression, even among adults. Social media depicts the finely curated highlights of people’s lives. It allows people to post filtered and photoshopped images that barely resemble reality.
People who consume these images see perfection all around them and then look at their lives in despair. Why is everyone else happily living perfect lives? What’s wrong with me that I don’t have what they have?
To love yourself, you must stop comparing yourself to what you see on social media. It’s a tough habit to break, but you can.
How to Stop Comparing Your Life To Social Media
First, remember that what you see online isn’t always honest. People edit their photos, trimming fat, deleting wrinkles, and highlighting their best features. Some folks even use Photoshop to fake everything. They place themselves in exotic locales and onto expensive yachts, all while never leaving their standard middle-class home.
Even when it’s not fake, it’s typically a high point. A few good times aren’t representative of someone’s entire life. Social media bursts with everyone’s highlight reels. One friend just went to Hawaii, another got a promotion, and a third just had a baby. They’re sharing the best moments of their lives, not the dull, boring parts in between.
Finally, it’s essential to realize that nothing on social media has anything to do with you. Even if someone else has a perfect life 24/7, it does not impact your life. Someone else winning doesn’t mean you lost.
We are all on our own journey, and it doesn’t matter where you are on yours compared to anyone else.
All that matters is that you are progressing in your own way, on your own time.
4. Avoid Judgment
We’re often our own harshest critics. We judge our own appearance, actions, ideas, and statements far more critically than we do others.
Stop being so hard on yourself.
To love yourself, you need to accept both the good and the bad. Rather than judgment statements that assign positivity or negativity to yourself, use acceptance statements. You’re not stupid for blowing an interview; the interview didn’t go as well as you hoped, and that’s okay.
5. Pamper Yourself
Sometimes, loving ourselves is a matter of treating ourselves right.
Give yourself permission to enjoy a blissful day of pampering. Indulge in a relaxing bubble bath, splurge on a spa treatment or massage, and buy that special lotion or face cream that makes you feel good.
If these special treats make you feel good about your body and comfortable in your skin, have them.
Not only will they make you feel good, but allowing yourself to enjoy things will teach you that you deserve it. And you deserve it because you love yourself.
6. Challenge Yourself
Most of us have deeply ingrained beliefs about ourselves and our abilities. We may have toxic family members who constantly told us we couldn’t do things, and we believed them. Society pushed us into boxes and told us we couldn’t break free.
Loving yourself is challenging those limiting beliefs. It’s allowing yourself to step outside of those boxes everyone thrusts you into and explore everything you can do.
You’re more capable than you think.
7. Learn Something New
Have you ever struggled to grasp a concept but had an “aha!” moment when it clicked?
How did that feel?
You can recapture that feeling by learning something new. Learning new skills gives us a sense of accomplishment, a reason to feel good about ourselves, and inspiration to keep expanding our horizons.
Take that class, learn a language, and read that intimidating book. You’ll learn something new about the world and get a fantastic confidence boost.
8. Self-Improvement
The only person you should ever compare yourself to is the person you were yesterday.
Life is about growth, and you grow through self-improvement. Challenge yourself to be a little better today than you were yesterday.
Self-improvement creates self-love. As you get better, you’ll gain confidence and become more comfortable with who you are as a person.
Types of Self-Improvement
“Self-improvement” is a broad term encompassing nearly everything you can imagine. It can mean learning new skills, getting fit, taking better care of your mental health, being kinder, or becoming more responsible.
But that’s part of the beauty. You get to decide how to improve yourself.
9. Celebrate Yourself
When was the last time you pat yourself on the back for achieving something special?
We do so much. We work hard, support our families, give back, and keep things running. Does anyone ever show you appreciation for these efforts?
More importantly – do you show yourself appreciation for these efforts?
It’s time to celebrate yourself, not just for life’s most significant milestones. Celebrate your minor accomplishments, too. Give yourself a treat for achieving your weekly goals.
Rewarding yourself for being you is a sign of self-love.
10. Cultivate Relationships
Relationships help us thrive. Humans conquered nature because of our ability to work together. Together with your friends, you can build self-worth and compassion.
Try reconnecting with old friends. Join hobby groups to make new friends.
Cultivating bonds of friendship will give you a social group that loves you for who you are. When you’re with them, they can help you see the good in yourself that they see.
Even if you don’t need external validation, getting together with friends can help. Being around people you care about can leave you feeling refreshed and ready to take on the world.
11. Treat Yourself as a Friend
After spending a day with your friends, think about how you treat them versus how you treat yourself.
Far too many of us build our friends up while tearing ourselves down. We accept treatment from partners we’d tell our friends to run from.
Why do we treat ourselves worse than our friends?
It’s time to start talking to yourself like you talk to your best friend. Build yourself up. Give yourself the same advice you give them. Love yourself like you love your friends.
12. Take Care of Your Body
Feeling good about yourself is hard when you don’t feel good physically. If you want to learn how to love yourself in general, you need to learn how to love your body.
Loving your body means nourishing it and taking care of it. Eat healthy, balanced meals and exercise. Get at least 8 hours of sleep per night and drink plenty of water to stay hydrated.
Of course, it’s never as simple as a short paragraph makes it seem. Those with disabilities may have a more challenging time taking care of themselves than those without. Busy moms may not have time for the gym or the ability to sleep through the night.
Do your best, whatever that looks like. Even tiny changes can significantly affect how you feel about yourself.
13. Enjoy Your Own Company
When was the last time you had a solo date?
Have you ever gone to the movies by yourself, dined by yourself, or taken a solo vacation?
If not, now is the time.
To love yourself, you must learn to enjoy your own company. Take yourself out for a cup of coffee. Sit in the coffee shop, enjoying your beverage while people-watching. Stay off your phone and enjoy the company of your own thoughts.
If you’re feeling adventurous, take a trip by yourself. I’ve traveled alone to places all over the globe, and there’s no better way to learn to enjoy your own company than by forcing yourself to be by yourself for two weeks.
14. Forgive Yourself
Forgive yourself. We have all made mistakes. Every single person has done something stupid or something that they regret.
Stop beating yourself up for the mistakes you’ve made in the past. There’s nothing you can do to change them, and the truth is that you wouldn’t be the strong, amazing person you are today if you were perfect and never made any mistakes.
It’s time to let go of the past and forgive yourself. Move forward and love the person you are becoming.
15. Journal
Journaling is a fantastic tool for working out negative thoughts and feelings about yourself and embracing the good things about yourself.
Write about your goals, strengths, and how you will overcome any challenges. List the reasons you should love yourself, starting with what you already like about yourself.
If you struggle with journaling, use prompts. These are pre-written questions that can help you start a journal entry. Most journal prompts are designed with different end goals in mind. Some are introspective, some help with self-care, while others are just for fun.
We sell a variety of journal prompts on our Esty store, including a set designed for self-care. Check them out!
16. Meditate
Meditation is an excellent tool for self-love. It grounds you and helps you work past all the outside world’s noise to focus on within.
Meditation helps you understand yourself, but not just on a surface level. It helps you know yourself to the very core, bringing self-awareness.
A daily meditation session can help you discover inner peace. It can enable us to love and accept ourselves and even help us find forgiveness for others. If we have the time and patience to develop meditation skills, we will be far closer to learning to love ourselves.
17. Let Go of Toxic People
Giving up relationships with people when we care deeply about them can be difficult. However, sometimes we have to accept that certain relationships, whether they be romantic, platonic, or familial, aren’t good for us.
Many of us have a toxic family member that we keep letting into our lives because “they’re family.” We let them in, and they destroy everything we love about ourselves, rinse and repeat.
Others have been in toxic, codependent romantic relationships ripe with abuse that we can’t seem to break away from. These relationships can destroy our sense of independence and leave us as shriveled shells of what we once were.
I understand. I was there. I was in a relationship with a severe alcoholic that almost destroyed me. Escaping that relationship and realizing that his toxicity wasn’t my problem was the best thing I ever did for my life.
It’s hard, I know. But you have the strength to do it. Believe in yourself.
18. Embrace Your Quirks
Do you hate your laugh or the weird way your lip curls when you smile?
Stop!
Our unique features are what make us human. Embrace them.
Everyone is different, with different flaws and quirks. Can you imagine a world where we all smiled and laughed the same? Wouldn’t that be boring?
Our flaws make us interesting. They showcase our history and lives in a way that other things don’t. Celebrate them like in the Japanese art of Kintsugi—where you mend items with gold to showcase their flaws rather than using super glue to hide them or throwing broken things away.
Our flaws make us special. Own them.
19. Get a Pet
Unconditional love can make anyone feel better about themselves. A furry friend provides that.
Petting a dog or cat is associated with happiness and stress reduction. Our pets can help us get through the most challenging times with a soft purr or a head in your lap.
However, despite the benefits, please don’t get a pet spontaneously.
Do your research and determine which type of animal would be best for you according to your lifestyle. Different dog breeds require different levels of care, maintenance, and interaction. For example, huskies are gorgeous, but they must be doing things all the time. They love to run. Don’t get a husky if you’re a homebody in a small apartment.
Getting the wrong pet can lead to even more problems. Take the time to figure out exactly which species and breed would fit into your life best so that you don’t end up with pet regret.
20. Set and Enforce Boundaries
A common hindrance to loving yourself, especially among women, is a lack of boundaries. We often give and give until there is nothing left. We’ve been socialized to give everything of ourselves, regardless of whether we get anything in return.
When the people we care for constantly step all over us, refusing to give even the slightest hint of appreciation in return, we might think the problem lies with ourselves. It crushes our spirits and makes us feel we don’t deserve love.
We do. The problem is them, not us. And we need to set personal boundaries to stop letting them take advantage of us.
Setting and enforcing these boundaries is an act of self-love. We deserve respect and proper treatment. We refuse to let anyone, even a romantic partner or parent, step over our limits.
Show the people in your life that you will accept nothing less than respect, and walk away if they refuse to give it.
When you treat yourself with this level of care, others will follow; if they don’t, they don’t belong in your life.
21. Practice Gratitude
Sometimes, while stuck in the oppression of self-despair, we lose sight of all the good in our lives.
Are you alive? Do you have food? A good friend? A place to live?
Appreciating what we have is vital, even if the good things seem trivial or mundane. It will help us see that everything isn’t as dire as it seems. There are things in our lives we can celebrate.
Show more gratitude in your everyday life. Appreciate the little things, like a good book or cup of tea, a roof over your head, health, or a nice day. Make it a daily practice by writing three things you’re thankful for each day in a gratitude journal.
It won’t make you love yourself, but will instill a more positive outlook on life, bringing you one step closer to the self-love and compassion you deserve.
23. Be Realistic
Many people get stuck in an endless cycle of self-loathing because they lack realism about their lives and abilities. Society told us we could have it all, but life makes us realize that’s false.
We can have whatever we want, but we can’t have everything we want. You can’t be both a doctor and a lawyer. You can’t have a high-powered career while being a stay-at-home mom.
It’s unrealistic to get everything you’ve ever wanted out of life. Most of us lack the time, energy, or money to achieve that goal.
Sometimes, we have to choose between two things we want, knowing that we’re closing the door on one of them.
That’s okay. Accept your choice.
24. Have Some Fun
You shouldn’t take life too seriously; you’ll never get out alive. Yes, the iconic Van Wilder quote is relevant. Life doesn’t need to be all doom and gloom or serious.
Enjoy yourself! Sing in the rain, smell the flowers, run through a sprinkler, be a kid again, explore the extraordinary beauty of the world, and be one with it.
Letting yourself enjoy things without worrying about what others think helps you feel comfortable in your own skin, a crucial first step toward loving yourself.
Life is for living, so have fun with it.
25. Get Help
It’s time for some hard truths. If you’re struggling with mental illness like depression or anxiety or have a lot of trauma in your life, no amount of trying things you read on some website will help (even one as great as Partners in Fire, written by a real-life human life coach!).
The best way to show yourself true love is by seeking the help you need.
A therapist can help you work through your feelings of self-hatred, identify the causes, and get you on a personalized plan to face those demons and feel better about yourself. A psychologist can diagnose mental illnesses and help you towards a path of recovery.
There is absolutely no shame in seeking therapy. Even if you don’t have a mental illness, a therapist can help you learn how to love yourself.
Seeking professional help is the best thing you can do to show yourself love, especially if you’ve tried everything else and nothing seems to work.
Signs You Don’t Love Yourself Enough
Sometimes, it’s hard to tell if you need more self-love in your life. Here are a few signs that you might not show yourself as much love as you should:
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- You Have No Energy
- You Spend a Lot of Time on Social Media
- You Don’t Feel Free to Express Yourself
- You Can’t Remember the Last Decent Meal You Ate
- You’re on Everyone Else’s Schedule All the Time
- You Don’t Have Any Hobbies
- You Have No Idea What You Really Want
- You Engage in Negative Self Talk
- You Don’t Sleep Well
- Everything You Do is For Someone Else
- You Never Have Self-Care
If any of these things describe you, it’s time to show yourself a little more love and attention.
Quotes About Loving Yourself
Need a little inspiration to love yourself even more? These quotes can help!
Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option
-Maya Angelou
You yourself, as much as anyone else in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection
-Budda
Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all
-Linda Creed
Love yourself first and everything else falls into line
-Lucille Ball
Having compassion for yourself means that you honor and accept your humanness.
-Kristin Neff