19 Ways to Build Self-Esteem Because You’re Worth It

Are you always down on yourself, feeling like you don’t belong anywhere, don’t deserve happiness, or aren’t good at anything?

You need to build self-esteem.

What is Self-Esteem

Self-esteem is your internal sense of self-worth.

All human beings have value, for the simple fact that we’re human. You don’t need to be the best, brightest, smartest, tallest, or most anything for your life to matter.

It matters because you’re here.

Self-esteem, Confidence, and Self-Belief

Self-esteem, confidence, and believing in yourself are closely related. Most of us use the three interchangeably in everyday conversations, but the subtle differences are crucial when you’re trying to figure out the root of your problem.

Self-esteem is all about how you see yourself as a person. Do you like yourself? Do you think you’re worthy of dignity and respect simply because you’re a living human being?

Confidence is about your belief in your skills and abilities rather than your inherent worth. You might be confident in one area of your life, but lack it in another.

Self-belief is a catch-all idea that includes self-esteem, confidence, and another concept called self-efficacy (which is about knowing you can do something because you’ve done it before).

All three are essential components of happiness.

Why Self-Esteem Matters

In my humble opinion as a certified happiness life coach, self-esteem is the most crucial piece of the puzzle.

If you have self-esteem, you can build confidence. The more confidence you have, the more you believe in yourself.

But if you lack self-esteem, it all seems overwhelming. You don’t think you deserve confidence or to believe in yourself, and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

How to Build Self-Esteem

When you lack self-worth, you don’t think you deserve to be better, and that makes building self-esteem a challenge.

But I never back away from a good challenge, and neither should you.

Here are the best ways to improve your self-esteem.

Positive Self-Talk

We are so hard on ourselves. We call ourselves stupid, useless, and no good.

And it destroys our self-esteem.

Why not try something different? Instead of being mean to yourself, be nice to yourself. Say something positive.

Look in the mirror and tell yourself you matter. Give yourself a compliment. Appreciate the good things about yourself.

It sounds weird, but it really works. You’re basically reprogramming your subconscious into thinking positive thoughts about yourself instead of negative ones.

Challenge Negative Beliefs

Positive self-talk is difficult when our brains constantly bombard us with negative messages.

Here’s a tip: challenge it.

Challenge your brain to a mental duel where you reject the negativity and reframe it with positivity.

You’re not a horrible person because you messed something up; you just made a mistake and can do better next time. You’re not stupid because you failed a test; you just need to study the right topics.

Eventually, the negative beliefs will disappear altogether. You’ll win the dual.  

Make an Effort

When I’m feeling down on myself, the last thing I want to do is try something.

I’d rather wallow, thank you.

But I know that’s not the answer. The more you wallow, the worse it will become.

You have to make an effort – in anything.

Try something new. It can be something as simple as taking a walk when you usually stay home, trying a new recipe, or reading a new book.

The more you try, the more you will want to try, and the more you will improve (yes – this is super vague, but that’s because it literally applies to everything).

Set Realistic Goals…

Failing at a goal can crush your fledgling self-esteem.

That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t set goals.

However, you need to be realistic about the goals you set. Nothing happens overnight. You can’t expect to wake up tomorrow and be the person you want to be.

Start with baby-step goals you know you can achieve, and work your way up from there.

And Achieve Them

Once you’ve set your goal, you have to follow through.

And every time you do, your self-esteem will grow. The baby-step goals you know you can achieve will become normal step goals (challenging, yet achievable). When you realize you can achieve them, you’ll start making giant leap goals – and you’ll have the confidence to achieve those too.

Need some help achieving your goals?

Check out our action plan template bundle. It’s bursting with worksheets designed to help you set your goals and make a plan for following through.

Keep Your Promises (To Yourself)

People rarely ever talk about trust (in yourself) as a component of self-esteem, but it’s vital!

How can you love without trust?

Building trust with yourself is the same as building it with anyone else: follow through.

If you say you’re going to do something – do it. Promise yourself you will read a chapter, eat a fruit, stretch, spend time on your goals – whatever it is – and then actually do it.

The more promises you keep to yourself, the more you will trust yourself. And when you trust yourself, you’ll start to believe you’re worthy of that trust.

Stop the Comparison Game

Want to kill your self-esteem? Look at everyone else’s highlight reels.

Jan just got a promotion. Becky just returned from an epic vacation. Mark is living his best life. Brenda and Jason are getting married.

Why don’t you have any of those things?

You’re wallowing again.

Everyone must forge their own path in life. We all have unique challenges and desires, restrictions, and opportunities.

You can build self-esteem by refusing to participate in the comparison game. Recognize that your journey is unique, and appreciate where you are on it.  

Get Fit

If you don’t feel good about your body, how can you feel good about yourself?

I’m not saying you have to work out seven days a week – god knows I don’t! But you do need to feel comfortable in your body.

I gained over 20lbs during the COVID years, and I felt awful about myself. My clothes didn’t fit; I could barely even look at my reflection. After losing the weight, my self-esteem skyrocketed.

If you’re struggling with self-esteem due to poor body image, getting into shape will help.

Dress Well

Have you ever seen the movie Crazy, Stupid, Love? Did you see how different Steve Carell’s character felt when he started wearing clothes that fit?

That can be you.

Stop hiding behind saggy clothes. Don’t let your ego convince you to wear something two sizes too small.

Buy clothes that fit. Express yourself with your style.

You’ll look better, you’ll feel better, and you’ll be well on your way to building self-esteem.

Take Care of Yourself

An easy way to build self-esteem is to show yourself you’re worth it.

You do that by taking care of yourself.

Pamper yourself. Nourish your body with healthy foods. Take time for self-care. Drink plenty of water and prioritize your sleep. Do things you love.

Prove to yourself that you matter enough to do it.

Learn

Knowledge is power. Arm yourself with it.

I know what you’re going to say.  There’s an entire trope about nerdy smart people struggling with insecurity. I get it.

But insecurity isn’t really the same as lacking self-esteem. You can be insecure about certain aspects of your life while believing you’re a person worthy of respect and dignity.

Learning helps you build self-esteem because it gives you something to be proud of. For example, have you ever struggled with a tough math problem, then had an “aha” moment and learned how to solve it? How did you feel in that moment?

Every time you learn something new, you recreate that feeling, and it builds self-esteem.

Be Compassionate with Yourself

Imagine your best friend just made a massive mistake. They come to you, crying their eyes out, looking for advice, validation, or reassurance.

What do you say?

Do you yell at them, tell them they’re worthless, dumb, and deserve everything that happens, or do you offer compassion and show them grace?

Now why don’t you treat yourself the same way?

Surround Yourself with Support

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if everyone you knew was a kind person who supported you?

I don’t live in a fantasy world, so I know that’s not true. Some folks are mean, angry, envious, and miserable. They’ll do whatever it takes to bring you down to their level.

And for some of us, those folks are the people who are supposed to care the most (then we wonder why we struggle with low self-esteem).

It’s time to cut ties with the toxic people who constantly tear you down and seek relationships with people who love and cherish you. Trust me, they exist.

Journal

I know journaling appears in pretty much every single one of my articles about improving your life in any way.

But there’s a reason for that. It works. Journaling has tons of great benefits for your mental health. And when you journal about your struggles with self-esteem, you can identify the root cause and work through the problems on your own.

You can also use your journal to write all the wonderful things about yourself, all the things in your life that you appreciate, and all your wins for a self-esteem boost.

Do Things You’re Good At

If you want to build self-esteem, you should do more of what you are good at.

And don’t tell me you suck at everything. That’s a lie.

Everyone has a few things they excel at. If you’re artistic, create a work of art. If you’re athletic, go to the gym. If you’re smart, tutor some kids.

Succeeding at those things (even though you already knew you could – actually, especially because you already knew you could!) can help foster your sense of self-worth.

Set Boundaries

I used to let people walk all over me, and it destroyed my self-esteem (or was because I didn’t have any in the first place).  I didn’t think I deserved to have boundaries, so I didn’t set any (and when I did, I let people blow right past them).

Learning to set real boundaries and refuse to let folks cross them has done wonders for my self-esteem.

People respect me more, and I feel like a person who is worth having boundaries.

Stand Up for Yourself

People with low self-esteem struggle to stand up for themselves (see the previous boundary-setting example!).

I understand; it’s hard for me too. We don’t feel like we deserve a say, or we feel like other people matter more than us.

But neither of those are true.

I get how hard it is to say “no” or advocate for yourself. It’s terrifying, especially at first. But the more you do it, the easier it will be. And you will build more self-esteem in the process.

Live Your Values

Sometimes we don’t feel good about ourselves because we’re living a life that’s diametrically opposed to what we truly believe.

Doing things you’re against can crush your sense of self-worth.

And I get that sometimes we have to. We need money to survive, and sometimes the best ways to make money aren’t so great.

But if your job is destroying your soul, you need to find a new job.

The same goes for any time you’re living a lie. It decimates your sense of self-worth. Yes, changing will be hard, but it will be worth it to live a life true to yourself.

Therapy

I am a life coach, not a therapist, and even the best life coach can’t help someone deal with deep-rooted trauma or mental illness that impacts their self-worth.

But a therapist can.

If none of the ideas on this list help, you might benefit from professional intervention.

Talk to a therapist. They can help.

You Can Build Self-Esteem

I know it can all feel hopeless, but you don’t have to live your life with a negative sense of self-worth.

Building self-esteem is possible. You can be happier with yourself and live a fuller life.

Try some of our ideas and see how they feel. Keep it up, even when it’s challenging.

Eventually, you’ll start believing you deserve to love yourself, and when that happens, self-esteem will follow.

You’ve got this. I believe in you – so you should believe in you too.